It could be that entitled boss, partner, or that rude shop assistant blaming you for all the problems in their lives.
Narcissists are the master manipulators of the world.
They lie, they deflect, their actions don’t match their words, they gaslight and devalue you.
It’s hard to imagine that narcissists exist, but sadly there are many. They thrive on capturing attention, feeling special, having control, and believe they are superior to you.
A narcissist is often someone who is emotionally damaged, who has buried their true self in response to emotional injuries from early childhood. They create a highly developed false identity that is grandiose and self-absorbed, to compensate. In many cases they are the product of neglect or excessive praise in childhood from parents who did not see or accept their child for who they are, resulting in emotional needs not being met.
Unfortunately empaths are especially vulnerable to the persuasive influence of a narcissist.
Narcissists can be very charming and persuasive and it’s easy to fall for their charismatic, love-bombing behaviour. Over time however, this behaviour will be replaced with their ever-increasing list of unreasonable demands and expectations. You will try harder and harder to return to the euphoric stage of the relationship when they appeared to be kind, attentive and generous. So starts the repeated cycle of narcissistic abuse of love bombing, then devaluing you, then disengaging from you.
Narcissist traits to look out for:
- a grandiose/false sense of self
- a sense of entitlement
- master manipulators
- lack of empathy
- don’t take responsibility for their actions—blame others
- believe that the rules don’t apply to them
- need constant praise and admiration
- can bully and belittle others
- actions don’t match their words
- they project their personality flaws onto others
- have inconsistent behaviour—appear to support you and then break agreements
- they gaslight
- can rage when they don’t get their own way
- they devalue you
- live in a fantasy world that supports their delusion of grandeur.
What are some of the red flags in a relationship?
Are you defending a narcissist’s toxic behaviour or abuse?
Making excuses and justifying bad behaviour, or hiding their toxic actions?
It may be that you are caught up in a cycle of charming and love-bombing behaviour, and then having the emotional mat pulled out from under your feet by devaluing and manipulating you.
What to do if you have a narcissist in your life:
- set firm and strong boundaries
- be emotionally detached and not react to their barbs
- don’t argue about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’
- don’t expect an apology
- keep your distance physically and emotionally
- don’t get sucked in. Expect disappointments and have a “Plan B”
- realise they don’t want to change, so stop trying
- remember to put yourself first
- don’t become a doormat—stand up for yourself.
Narcissists will convince you that your emotional reactions to their abuse is the problem, not that their abusive behaviour is the problem.
The sooner you recognise a narcissist’s toxic behaviour and distance yourself from them either physically or emotionally, the better your life will be.
If you want to know more about narcissists, learn how to spot them, and discover the tools to ensure you are not ensnared by their manipulative games, reach out to Life Choices Coaching for support and guidance.
Want to know more on this subject?
I’m running a Self Care Workshop on Understanding Narcissists on Saturday 20th November at Temple Retreat/Seed Yoga, Pullenvale or Saturday 24th November, 7.00pm to 8:30pm as an Online Webinar. To learn more and reserve your spot click HERE.