There is a tremendous difference to being alone and being lonely!!

The word loneliness is an expression of the pain of being alone and can be a disconnection from self.

Solitude however is the absolute enjoyment one gets from being alone. Content to be alone; luxuriously immersed in doing whatever your freedom desires.

Our society is somewhat confused between the two. Robin Williams said “I use to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”

You can be lonely surrounded by people. I understood that feeling so well. The loneliest I ever felt was when I was in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable partner; unable to connect on a deeper level, alienated from friends and family because of my dysfunctional relationship and my disconnection from self.

Loneliness is when you wish someone else was there. Solitude however is when you enjoy being alone.

It is not unusual for single people to look at the relationship of couples and wish that they were in a relationship with the apparent connection and companionship. The crazy thing is that married couples sometimes look at single people and crave the solitude and freedom to do whatever they want without regarding others and not having to compromise.

Poet and writer May Sarton said “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self”.

So many people in the world would rather stay in a situation that is painful but familiar because they are comfortable with it. Not a lot of people have the strength of heart to realise when something’s not good for them and to turn around and either raise their standard of expectation of the relationship or take the chance of being alone.

Remember what you fear you create. People who have suffered from being abandoned as a child often have deep seated abandonment issues and therefore create an environment of fear about being abandoned as an adult. Not surprisingly what they fear “abandonment” is what they create.

If only we saw being alone as an opportunity to really get to know who we are and what we REALLY want in life. Because it is in these moments of alone time that; if we take the time to examine who we are and what we really want we can start to CREATE THE LIFE we can really get excited about.

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